The NFL is back. It came with one of the most exciting week ones to memory. Pittsburgh and Cincinnati have one of the wildest overtime games I’ve ever seen. Week one continues to be the Achilles heal of the Colts. A seesaw battle took place in Landover, Maryland (Go fuck yourself Daniel Snyder you boat bitch.) KC stomped on the Arizona Cardinals. To round off the week we got to see wone of the greatest displays of dog shit coaching I’ve ever seen in Seattle. I love football, I love week one, and I’m going to love breaking this all down.

Let’s start with the craziest game of the week as the defending AFC champs hosted their division rivals the Pittsburgh Steelers. Full discloser I’m a massive Steelers fan and I am also a secondary Bengals fan. My father was raised in Pittsburgh and mt mother was raised in Cincinnati. My mom is a passionate fan, but my father won the battle for my football heart. This game opened with a pick 6, closed with 3 consecutive missed kicks, and robbed me of about 10 years of my life. Joe Burrow looked rusty and the “new and improved” o-line in Cincinnati was hot garbage. For being the coolest guy on planate earth Joe Burrr’s o-lines have treated worse than a TV show trailer park husband treats his wife after a few drinks. This abuse led to 5 Burrow turnovers. Yet, the Steelers could only score one offensive touchdown. Matt Canada has about as many original thoughts as a Melania Trump addressing the 2016 GOP national convention. I get it Mitch isn’t the greatest QB of all time, but God damn give the man a chance to make a play. This bullshit dink and dunk jet sweep on 3^rd and medium just simply as to stop. More infuriating is if Canada had any creativity the Steelers wouldn’t have had TJ Watt out there so often and we wouldn’t have had to be so aggressive. Thanks to his kindergarten level play calling we lost the best defensive player in the NFL for the first half of the season. I don’t know how he is escaping criticism. Fucking Mike Zimmer and Kirk Cousins had a more exciting offense than we do.

Thanks to lack of production on the offensive end the Bengals were able to stay in the game. In the second half Joe Burrow found Ja’Marr Chase repeatedly as he torched the Steelers Defense on 10 catches for 129 yards and a touchdown. His touchdown came with just seconds left on the clock to time the game at 20 apiece. All that was need for a Bengal victory was for the best young kicker in the NFL (Even McPherson) to hit a PAT. In a heroic effort Minkah Fitzpatrick blocked the attempt. Fitzpatrick played like the star he is. This block was just the cherry on top of a dominating performance. He recorded 14 combined tackles (10 of which were solo), one pick 6, and of course the blocked PAT.

In overtime we saw the Steeler offense stall and the Bengals drive well into field goal range where backup long snapper Michael Willcox (Usually the backup TE) launched back a shit snap and McPherson shanked the chip shot wide wide wide left. This gave the steelers the ball back with around 3:30 left and they too drove into field goal range. It wasn’t ideal in fact it was far from in they asked the Wizard of Boz to attempt a 55-yard kick with 2:27 remaining. He kicked the living shit out of the ball as it slammed the left upright so hard, they could hear it Pittsburgh. This then gave the ball back to the Bengals with great field position, but it was clear coach Zach Taylor had lost faith in his special teams. It seemed like TD or bust, and he was essentially playing for the tie. With just 1:04 on the clock the steeler got the ball back on their own 20 and managed to drive down the field and set up a game winning 53-yard field goal for Boswell.

My main takeaways from this game are that the Bengals will be fine. It’s never great to see your franchise guy turn the ball over 5 times but if you want to spin it, you’re playing the best defense in football. They have all pros at all 3 levels, and you still need tome for that o-line to get in sync. My second take away is the Steelers should just relax. DO NOT RUSH T.J. WATT BACK. I get it. We won and dominated the defending AFC champs for 3 quarters. Playoff hopes are in the air. But take a fucking step back. We scored 1 offensive touchdown on 5 turnovers. That’s so bad I can’t even wrap my head around it. No team in the NFL is winning a playoff game or making a deep run putting up 23 points in an overtime game that included that many turnovers. We need this man in the future and pec injuries are nasty. IDK how fans are missing this. Just let this play out. Rest T.J. He’s not breaking the sack record, he’s not winning DPOY. Just relax and look at the big picture.

My second game I would like to break down is the Jacksonville vs Washington game. Good God dose it make a difference having a coach who care about your team. I know Jacksonville lost but they played inspired and goodish football for 4 quarters. This team still lack weapons and still makes mistakes all over the field, but they didn’t look bad. They even fought and came back after a shotty opening two quarters. I really enjoyed watching this game during the breaks in the Steelers game and when I went back to rewatch games from this weekend this was option A. It featured just about everything you could want from these two teams. We had missed field goals, blown catches, missed passes, fumbles, interceptions, missed 2-point conversions, a comeback, and 90-yard game winning drive.

This game started off with a 7-play 60-yard drive that ended in a Jacksonville field goal. This drive was followed by a classic 70-yard TD drive orchestrated perfectly by Cason Wentz. In Wentz fashion he began the season lulling another fanbase into a false sense of security. Wentz would go on to lead another 70-yard drive to a touchdown to open the 2^nd quarter. Then the game starts showing it’s weirdness. Later in the quarter Lawrence would lead the Jags all the way down to the three-yard line. Here he would have his receivers trop back-to-back touchdowns. And for those of you who want to say the Jones drop was Lawrence’s fault go look at the god damn play again. It’s a lofted ball that hit both of his hands he’s got to come down with that. Then Travis Etienne (my fantasy RB2) dropped a walk-in touchdown. GOD DAMNIT dude you are paid so much money don’t run before you have secured the ball! Now I got to go the year watching James Robinson steal goal line caries and targets from you because your incapable of holding on to the ball for a stroll into the endzone. That drop turned the ball over on downs. If you ask me on the road, I always take the points. I’m going to start the “should be score” of the game now the actual score is 14-3 in Washington’s favor it should be 14-6 Washington. Then 8 plays into the next drive Curtis Samuel (who had a wonderful game) would fumble the ball on the Jaggs 34 and Lawrence had a 1:22 on the clock. He would drive the ball to the 37-yard line and with 16 seconds left in the half they had a 37-yard field goal attempt. Here second year kicker Reilly Paterson would rip the ball of the right upright. Actual score 14-3 should be score 14-9.

After an opening series punt Trevor Lawrence would lead the Jags to their first TD drive and the ball begins rolling here. For a reason unclear to me the Jaguars would go for 2. I get it from a “put us within a one score game” standpoint but it’s the middle of the third. Always take those points, I hated that. Actual score 14-9 Washington should be score 14- 14-16 Jacksonville. Then an 11 play 55-yard drive by Jacksonville would end in a field goal. Here is where the score calculator is important. Actual score 14-12 Washington should be 14-19 Jacksonville. Why is this important? Because Wentz is about to Wentz all over this game. On the next drive Carson would throw and interception on a pass where he eye-fucked Jahan Dotson and threw a pass Helen Keller could have intercepted. Then yet another Jaguars drive would stall and end in a 45-yard field goal. Actual score 15-14 Jaggs should be score 22-14 Jaggs. Only a play later Carson Wentz would do the seemingly impossible. He threw another INT but this time he did it on a screen play. God, this brought me so much joy. I don’t understand how he is so bad at completing passes with 5 or less air yards. It’s beautiful. The next play James Robinson would take the ball to the house on an 11-yard rush. Actual score 22-14 Jags, should be score 29-14. This is why you can’t fuck up on the road. At this point in the game if your up 15 points that Washington crowd has quit but they fucked up and Carson Wentz gets lucky throwing a bomb to Scarry Terry for a 49-yard TD. Now its 20-22 Jacksonville (missed 2pt attempt) instead of 21-29. Then Jacksonville punts for the first time all half and mighty Carson goes 90 yards to take the lead at 28-22. Washington would go on to win a game that they lost the turnover battle in. Lots of growing pain here but I’m optimistic about what Jacksonville.

My take aways from this game are Washington is going to be annoying. They are going to hang around the playoff picture Wentz is going to lose them more than a handful of games but hey he won them this one. I also think this is a completely different Jacksonville team. Christian Kirk may lead the division in targets. I think he gets 100 receptions easy. I have them winning the AFC South, so I hope they improve on some of the mistakes around the endzone. Easy to be better when you don’t have to worry about your head coach kicking you or hitting on your girlfriend.

The final game up for review is more here to throw comedic jabs. Denver vs. Seattle. Before this game even started the Russ BS started. I’m sure you’ve seen it but if you haven’t, he’s standing in the middle of the field, with his headphones on, his hands in the air presumably praying or something of that nature. It was so fucking bazar. I think as fans we all obsessed over Russ a little bit too much. He throws a great deep ball and is a cookie cutter person. Personally, I can’t stand his fake ass perfect citizen persona he puts on for the camera. Please spare me the shit dude. Anyone that “good” is actually just a massive piece of shit. What are you hiding Russ? It was halfway through this game that I turned to my roommate and told him, “Starting now, I hate the player and persona of Russel Wilson.” Everything about this guy’s public image sucks. He has a holier than thou vibe to himself. It was awesome to see this coupled with some of the worse coaching I’ve ever seen in my life! Nathaniel Hackett is lucky his final drive clock management was so bad because he coached an awful game up till that point.

This game started with an electric drive put together by Geno Smith. The Hawks went 70-yards in 6 plays that was finished off by Will Dissly taking the ball to the house after Geno slipped a sack, kept his eyes downfield, and dumped him the ball. Then the teams would exchange field goals. Midway through the second Russ would connect with Jerry Judy for a 67-yard TD. Okay that sounds nice, but that ball was severely underthrown that was all Judy. In response on the next drive Geno would take the Seahawks 75-yards for another TD. Leaving just 2:24 on the clock. Denver then scored a final field goal to close out the half.

That was kind of it for the scoring the game would end at 16-17 after 3 consecutive fumbles two by Denver on the goal line and one by DK sandwiched between them. Denver would go 75-yards and kick the final points of the game. But this game proves, you don’t need scoring to be entertaining.

A big storyline amongst NFL nerds going into the game was that out of nowhere Russ stated he wanted to run a more “up-tempo offense.” Despite not one of his former teammates or affiliates saying they ever heard him say that. Fine, lets just pretend this egomaniac did want that. Why on planate earth was he snapping the ball with 2 seconds on the clock every fucking down? Hey, Russ it’s loud in Seattle remember? You played there for 10 years you shouldn’t give fans 40 seconds every single down to reach a fever pitch. This has so many negative side affects including screwing your o-line over and setting them up for failure. Both goal line fumbles were on plays were Russ waited way to long to snap the ball. Not to mention that waiting 40 seconds to “Read the defense” isn’t playing up-tempo it’s the opposite. I can’t stand this guy and I hope we all start coming around on what a jerk he is.

Every year there are a few coaches that are awful and exciting. The league is much better when we have these kinds of coaches hanging around. Coming into the year we had bad coaches. But I was scared they wouldn’t be fun to make fun of. Kingsbury is an awful coach but its not fun to make fun off. He’s just unoriginal. McCarthy is bad but every Cowboys coach is bad because Jerry Jones is such bastard. We needed the horrible decision maker. That guy who is going to fuck opportunities up. Let’s start with way back in August. If you were listening to the Buck/Aikman broadcast, you heard them say over and over that Denver looked out of sync and it probably because they didn’t play starters this preseason. Hey Coach if you got a new QB, new coaching staff, new offense, how about just new everything. Play your starters at least once in the preseason. Okay so that’s error one. Error two is utter lack of discipline on the defensive side of the ball. They had 12 penalties for 106 yards! How the fuck do you do that? That team is chalked full of veterans at every position! There is no way they should have that many penalty yards. Then let’s get into those two awful goal line fumbles. On the first one how is Javonte not out there? How is he not getting more carries period. He’s averaging 6.1 yard a carry in this game has only 15 less rush yards than Gordon who had 5 more carries. He is great after contact. Here Denver is knocking on the door they are on the half yard line, and they go shotgun on 4^th and goal and give the ball to Gordon. On top of that there were 4 seconds on the play clock. So much to complain about but don’t worry he makes the exact same mistake about two minutes later. Moments later DK would fumble, and Seattle would commit an obvious PI in the endzone putting the ball inside the one. On third down from the shotgun wonder Russ would let the play clock go down to one and hand the ball off in shotgun to William. The Seahawks defense was in the backfield before he handed the ball off. Jevonte didn’t stand a chance. That’s just piss poor coaching.

I wish I could say it ended there but it doesn’t. Denver would get the ball back in the fourth drive down and settle for a field goal with around 4 minutes left. This confused the shit out of me. Why go for it in the 3^rd and not the 4^th. Whatever it paid off they got the stop and got the ball back with a little over 4 minutes on the clock. Yet again every single play Denver was snapping the ball inside of 5 seconds on the play clock. WAKE THE FUCK UP. Snap the ball earlier. Russ gets them over the 50-yard line on a 3^rd and 14 setting up a 4^th and 5 with 1:03 on the clock. At this point you assume Denver would use one of its 3 available timeouts, right? Wrong. They run the clock down to 20 seconds then take the TO. This is because it was “the gameplan” to attempt a field goal if they were within 65 yards. What? Anything beyond 55 yards should be a last-ditch effort. A no time on the clock situation. Denver would miss the kick and Seattle would go on to win. It was amazing. I love bad coaches.

My main takeaways from this game are Denver has a long uphill fight in the toughest division in the NFL. Bad coaching, strange offense, and penalties. None of that is going to help in this year’s race. Can’t wait to watch this team every week. Seattle played hard inspired football. They got just about everything possible out of Geno and they barely squeaked it out. It was awesome to see them win like that. It was great to have Russ lose to them. But at the end of the day this team isn’t good, and they aren’t going to play like that every week.

Shoutout Cody Barton. I grew up down the street from the guy. He balled out. I think his performance is being overlooked. Awesome game. Way to go Cody!  

That’s it. That is the list. If you read this far thanks. If you know me shoot me a text and tell me what you think. If you don’t email me @Charles.moffat95@gmail.com