It always feels a little strange sitting down for the start of the week two games. Week one’s intense excitement has faded, and I always feel like my week one viewing experience gives me the foresight to know what’s going to happen for the rest of the season. I built out teasers, set my fantasy lineup, and talked rolled out takes to my friend group with the utmost confidence. Then like a rolling brawl in a cartoon, my takes get swallowed up spit out and destroyed. Remnants of the disaster is always shit fantasy score, busted teasers and parlays, and one and a half good takes. This week followed tradition. Lots of great entertaining games, two massive comebacks, and even better some God-awful coaching.

This week had several games that were so boring they were entertaining. Games that feature intense amounts of defense on paper seem boring. Computation of low scoring and limited explosive plays should tee up a midday dad nap. Somehow the NFL can avoid this boredom by having exciting endings to games. Five of these games ended with a combined 3 touchdowns scored in the matchup. Two of these games featured successful 2-point attempts and 3 of them had game sealing or winning scores late in the 4^th quarter.

One of these low scoring affairs was Bengals/Cowboys game. Full transparency I had Cincinnati in most of my bets and I have Jamar Chase as my WR1 in my keeper league. I came into the season all in on the Beagles. I told all my friends this week to hammer them in teasers, ML parlays and start players in fantasy. I will keep it short here, they fucked me.

This was a pathetic showing from their offense. In particular, their offensive line. What the fuck is going on there? How do you spend all that money and continuously give up sack after sack? I get it they played TJ Watt and Micah Parsons in back-to-back weeks but still. Joe Burrow and his receivers are so fun to watch when they are cooking. But no one can cook behind a much of human traffic cones.

Last year my greatest take post draft was that the Bengals made a mistake passing on Penni Sewell. I’m a firm believer in the replaceability of receivers and running backs. I took shit all year from friends and family (my mother’s side of the family is from Cincinnati) about how bad that take was. At this point I’ll admit I was ¾ or ½ wrong. Look It doesn’t matter if you have Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, and TO out their if your QB gets sacked 7 times a game you’re going to lose. Not to mention at some point he’s probably going to go down with an injury. So, do I think the Bengals should have maybe considered taking a O-line piece in that spot? You’re damn right I do. Maybe the argument could be made that you take a guy in the Tee Higgins spot the year before IDK. But its not looking good down the pipe if they can’t figure this out. They have to pay Joe, Higgins, and Chase all in the same 2-year stretch and if you think the well is dry for O-line talent now wait till then. Icing on the cake here is Cincinnati has a good fucking ream outside of this problem.

Two weeks in a row now they have fallen to an inferior opponent on a last second field goal. For the 7^th week in a row this team has given up 3+ sacks (longest streak in NFL history.) This is unacceptable. I will be so pissed if they waist Joe Burrow, Tee Higgins, and Jamar Chase. This is like when the Thunder landed KD, Russ, and Harden. A young fun team that made it to the big game early. Let’s hope it wasn’t too early. Let’s hope its not over. This team is too fun when the click to let this wash away. By the way, Bill Simons I think I just beat you to that take. I can’t believe I did but the parallels there are unreal. Maybe if I find the time, I will write about it.

Okay, I don’t even know how to transition to this because this game pissed me off so much. I don’t have the words for my frustration with this team and coaching staff. Matt Canada is fucking trash. I mean he’s got the offensive creativity of a 3^rd grader running a Madden team. Fuck that might be more fun than this Steelers offence. At least the 3^rd grader would throw in 4 verts and pass for more than 7 yards every now and then. I can’t believe for the 4^th year in a row I’m being forced to watch this garbage. I know people are going to say, “It’s the quarterback talent.” Or “what is he supposed to do with 90-year-old Ben and Trubisky?” But you’re just wrong here. Not every QB in the NFL is Arron Rodgers. Not every QB has a deep bag. It’s his job to get the most out of Mitch not the other way around. You aren’t working with an offensive genius here. Trubisky Needs help. It’s no bash on him almost all QBs do. It’s so rare to have a guy that can make an offence. I think we owe Ben an apology. He dragged this shitty fucking play calling to the playoffs two years in a row. I hope Canada is a nice guy because that’s the only reason I can mentally wrap my head around him staying this long. This utter lack of creativity and willingness to be even slightly aggressive must end. Fire him and let’s move on.

At around midway through he second quarter during the week two 1:00PM slate DirectTV shit the bed. I don’t need to elaborate on the situation I’m sure you’ve heard if you are reading this. During the near hour and a half long black out of games I flipped over to my paramount plus account so I could at least watch one game. I live in DC so that game was Baltimore v. Miami. I wont lie to you, this angered me off even further. I’m shut out of a bunch closer games to watch the Ravens have their way with the Fins. I watched as Lamar lead his team down the field time after time. Slowly but surely killing me under bet. By the start of the 3^rd quarter my bet was sunk and the Vens led 35-14. DirectTV figured their shit out and I had all the other games going barely paying attention to the Ravens game. When Tua hit Tyreek for the first of their 40+ yard TD connections in the fourth I didn’t think much of it.

This Ravens team is built to take leads and hold them. They have been the most successful running team over the past 5 years. A now 14 point lead in the fourth shouldn’t be any problem. On the next drive Lamar would take the clock down from 12:12 to 7:47 (Not bad) and the ravens would punt. At this point I figured I would watch the next drive just to see if Tua had something in him that could make this interesting. The Steelers were losing, and any interdivision loss was welcome. Well just as my attention turned boom Tua hits Tyreek with another bomb. Holy shit what the hell is going on here? My thousand square foot apartment that was hosing about 6 people (almost too much for a viewing party) turned their attention towards the paramount plus TV in the living room. Side bar I have one TV in my living room set up with the DirectTV 4/1 screen and another TV that I take from my room and prop up on two barstools playing Paramount plus. The whole room starts watching in disbelief. My friend group has pretty much sold all their Tua stock at this point. Last year I was the last man on Tua island. Uncle Maz (not actually my uncle but a former NBA assistant coach and avid football fan who is in mt closest gambling group chat with me and my two friends in DC) gave me so much shit for the take he told me may stop taking my gambling advice. One day I write more about Maz the dude is a fucking legend. We all have virtually given up on this guy so we can’t believe this is going on. Lamar led the Ravens down the field the next drive and set up a 42 yard field goal for the best kicker to ever do it Justin Tucker to give the Vens a 3-point lead with 2:18 on the clock. But you know what they say, “Can’t leave Tua time.” The Dolphins marched 68-yards in 6 plays and with 14 seconds on the clock on second and goal from the Baltimore 7 Tua would find Waddle for his second touchdown and the Fins would win.

This game was shocking. I couldn’t believe that the Ravens defense looks so discombobulated. They have plenty of injuries but to give that lead up is embarrassing. I thought Lamar looked good for most of this game. I know he fumbled at the goal line but still the guy was awesome. Initially I didn’t know what to take away from this. On my walk to the metro this morning my major take away from this game hit me. Windows in the NFL are short, and injuries make them even shorter.

Baltimore has had some unfortunate injury luck over the past two years. Last year they lost every running back on the roster before week one. They lost Lamar and a slew of defensive player and fell to the bottom of the always brutal AFC North. Coming into the year thigs were looking up. If the Ravens could stay healthy, they are almost a lock for playoff berth and a dark horse Super Bowl run. But we are one week into this team and the defense is already in shambles. They don’t have a starting running back and it seems like 2021 and 22 could be two bad years of injury luck in Baltimore. What does this mean for their window to compete for a Lombardi in the near future? Is this window closing? I think my answer has to be yes.

When was the window? I would say the window was from 2018-19 to now. Lamar’s MVP season was truly the best time for the run. No one in the NFL had near an answer for what Greg Roman and the Ravens were doing back in 2019. I got the honor of going to about 4 home games that year for the ravens and they just seemed unstoppable. But, a surprise from Tennessee would send them packing early and deprive the fan base of a Mahomes vs Jackson playoff game. COVID would shock the world and even after the Ravens exacted revenge against the Titans. They would fall on the road to Buffalo in a stinker.

I think those two years were the years the Ravens had the most talent and contract flexibility. They were able to pick up massive names in free agency and stack the defensive and offensive lines. But starting last year the hyper physical style and the deep playoff/season runs seems to have caught up to them. You can’t coast in no man’s land forever I’m afraid. This game is too brutal, and the Baltimore has a really scary financial road ahead. They got to pay Lamar and from what it sounds like the dude wants the full bag (Thanks Cleveland.)

I think this has a major impact across the NFL. Teams are going to look at Baltimore as an example of how quickly things can change. Injuries are a major part of this sport, and they must be accounted for. Windows for chances to compete are short and this one was probably shut early thanks to injuries.

For the record, I think they have at least one more window of opportunity. They have Lamar Jackson. I just think this first window has closed.

We also got a poopy doubleheader week two Monday night slate. Josh Alen is a god and I have him in my keeper league and I couldn’t be happier! I was very high and remain very high on the Vikings this year even if they laid an egg last night against a very good Eagles team. I try not to take emotional games into count. I know the Eagles and Vikings aren’t rivals but that’s the home opener in Philadelphia. There has been an insane amount of hype around this team and the fanbase showed up. Also, Cousins on national TV is though. You can take the Kirk from Zimmer, but you can’t take the Zimmer out of Kirk.

Time for my new favorite segment. My new favorite thing to talk about. Welcome to the House of Hackett. Nathaniel Hackett is the new head coach of the Denver Broncos. A team who this offseason got aggressive and mortgaged their future to bring in Russell Wilson. On paper this is one of the best teams in the NFL. With an insane defense, a loaded receiving room, two great back, veterans on both offensive and defensive lines, and a Super Bowl winning QB at the helm. With this talent and experience on the field things should practically run themselves. It would be hard to standout as a bad coach with all of this around out. Yet, Nathaniel exists. This man has done what no one else can. He’s taken proven veteran NFL players and dumbed them down to freshman in high school. One of the first signs of a shit coach is the inability to control penalties. Usually, this sign comes from a lack of aggression discipline. You will have an O-lineman block a little to long after the play, a D-lineman who hits a QB late, linebacker who hits to hard, you get the picture. But even the worst of the worst can get one thing consistently or at least semi consistently correct and that’s getting plays off before the clock expires. This is probably one of the first skills play callers and coaches develop with their teams and plays. Hell, it’s a skill you learn early on, and duration of play clock decreases as play level gets higher. Almost like they are preparing coaches and players for the future.

This basic rule seems to slip through the mental framework of the new Denver head coach. Who has struggled to get plays called at a reasonable time. He accomplished something somewhat historical this last week. Getting two delay of games after opponent timeouts before field goals. His team struggled so much that the home crowed decided to give him a hand by counting down the play clock for the team each down to help prevent the delay of game. If I were on this team, I would have lost all respect for our Hackett.

Here is my solution to this House of Hackett blunder. Remember when you studied for the ACTs or SATs? They would always tell you to practice at a shorter time than you are granted because time would fly once you got into the test. My Nathan Fielder fix to this is to have Hackett live his life in a faster fashion outside of the game. Anytime he needs to decide he’s got a man with a walking “Decision Clock” behind him. Asked what to do for lunch, hit the clock and make him make that decision. Don’t know if he should have one last glass of wine before bed or if he should just have a water and relax, throw up that fucking clock. The decision clock carrier will be in charge of judging all decisions and times that they need to be made. Hopefully this will teach Hackett plan ahead a little more and be more decisive in the game. Leading to faster play calling and less penalties.  

That’s it. That is the list. If you read this far thanks. If you know me shoot me a text and tell me what you think. If you don’t email me @Charles.moffat95@gmail.com